PoPoWOW

Seriously, I feel bad for this guy.

King Douche

UsMagazine.com is reporting that douche extraordinaire, Spencer Pratt, is legally changing his name to King Spencer Pratt.

"I've decided since there is a Queen of England and a Prince William that there should be a king of America," he tells Us. "I nominate myself for that role."

He goes on to be douchey say that his wife, pop-starperformer Heidi Montag, is:

"...the new, modern-day, 2010 Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson's in heaven," he said. "The Holy Spirit now has extra Michael Jackson juice, so boom! For all we know, Heidi gets possessed with some of that Michael Jackson divine spirit."

Isn't MJ's "juice" what got him in trouble in the first place? What kind of douche would want to give any fluid of MJ's to his wife? ugh.

That being said, this guy needs a beat-down. Even if he's taking a page from Paris Hilton's play book and making all of this up, he's still an unbelievable douche! Make a sex-tape or something.

In other news...

Credit: Ethan Miller/Getty

Tell me this bitch don't look like she's on crack...

*sigh* Enough already

I know I've blogged about it, but I really think we should all stop talking about MJ. There have been 15 different drugs mentioned in his death. People are going over his kids birth certificates, his will, etc., etc.

Enough.

The man is dead.

As eccentric and crazy as he was, he's just a dead guy now. He's got kids that have a mess to sort out. Let them, his family, and the executors of his will sort it out.

Give it a rest. I will if you do.

Michael Jackson Didn't Have a Heart Attack

Last night Mrs. Gendarme bursts into the living room saying "OMG, Michael Jackson had a heart attack." I responded with my usual kindness, saying "He didn't have a a heart attack, he had a (airquotes)"heart attack.""

As usual, I was probably right.

Jacko's had a long time problem with prescription pain killers, including Demerol, which his family has stated he took a massive injection of before he died. Did he kill himself? Did he just OD? We probably wont ever know.

Do I care? No. Not really.

Celebrities are always getting whisked away to Cedars to be hospitalized for "exhaustion." It's doctor-speak for "dude stayed up partying for 3 days on Jack Daniels and coke." We only hear about them because they are "celebrities" and given special status in our lives.

MJ was a messed up dude. He had myriad problems: He was crazy, he liked little boys, he had a drug problem, he was obsessed with his looks and self mutilation. He obviously had an addictive personality. Lets stop speculating.

No matter how it happened, Michael Jackson killed himself. The addicted part of him killed the rest of him. Doesn't matter how it happened. It happened.

If you can't stop doing something, no matter how hard you've tried and other people have tried to help, let this be a wake up call to you. Get help. Admit that you have a problem. Be honest about it. No matter the problem, you're not the only one in the world that has it. Even if you're Michael Jackson.

Wait, Adam Lambert is gay? Whuuuuuu?!?

Matthew Rolston/ Rolling Stone

Ok. I'm not really surprised. I mean who really is? Glambert himself didn't think he was fooling anyone.

"I don't think it should be a surprise for anyone to hear that I'm gay." - Adam Lambert in Rolling Stone

See? Now the question remains...did middle America not vote for him simply because he is gay?

Please see here:

Roger Caitlin - TV Eye
Did his sexual orientation cost Adam Lambert the "American Idol" crown?

Yahoo Questions
"Do you really want the representative of America to be a flaming homosexual with an emo haircut?"

US Weekly
Did Adam Lambert lose American Idol to Kris Allen because of his sexuality?

I'm not the only one who thinks that might be the case. There were many more links, but I think this gives a good cross section.

I guess we can have a black president, but not a gay American Idol yet.

Susan Boyle, you're not a worthwhile person

Link to Susan Boyle video

Seriously with this Susan Boyle chick.

I've had it up to HERE (holds hand way above head) with this dowdy wannabe singer.

I don't care how good Britain thinks she is. SHE SUCKS. She is not good. She is not a good singer. She is fat. She is ugly. Her teef are fuuuuucked up. Her hair is a mess.

On another note, WHO FUCKING CARES? Since when did we care about America's Got Talent, let alone Brits who ain't got none?

I started listening to this performance and had to shut it off.

The worst part, well one of the worst parts, is that she said that "winning will prove she's a worthwhile person." Guess what sister, it wont. You'll still be fat, ugly, have messed up teefs and a rats nest for hair. I PROMISE that if you were attractive and self confident they would have booted your ass from the show a long time ago. The only reason she's on at all is because she's odd looking.

Oh, and people keep saying she's an inspiration. TO WHOM? Not me. I'm not a fat, ugly British housewife.

Let it go America. I don't want to see or hear her name any longer.

You're not a celebrity. Get us out of here.

I honestly have to say that I can't blog better than this. Please see the following: EW.com's Pop Watch

Guy Next Door, 1 - Guyliner, 0

Yeah, Kris was as surprised as I was. Mrs. Gendarme wasn't surprised, but I definitely was.

The dark horse, as it were, came through. CW says that he picked up Danny's votes...they certainly weren't going to Glambert. In the end I think the guyliner was just too much for middle America. These are the same people that voted for Taylor Hicks, mind you.

That, and there's Alabama or Arkansas or whatever state Kris is from, who provided something on the order of 37 MILLION VOTES alone. Just goes to show you, America still isn't ready to vote for the gays glammy.