No longer Trapped in the Closet of the Cook County Courthouse, R. Kelly was acquitted today of all charges against him related to a video tape allegedly featuring him and a 14 year old girl.
At the center of the defence's case was whether or not the man in the tape had a mole on his back, which Kelly apparently does.
Who cares? He allegedly carried around a duffel bag of sex tapes he had made. A DUFFEL BAG!
Jeebus! What's a guy gotta do to be a convicted freak show around here? Pee on a girl? Oh, wait, that wont do it either.
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